This morning, I am focusing on getting myself ready to test for my black belt in Tae Kwon Do. It has been a long time coming. Do I have to do it? Well that is a loaded question- Yes and No. No I don’t have to do it. There is no one forcing me to do so. If I don’t test, nothing bad will happen to me, I won’t lose my house, my family, my job. But in some ways I do have to test
Here is why- and part of the reason it has been a long time coming. I started Tae Kwon Do about 3 and a half years ago- give or take six months, sometimes things in my memory get mixed together regarding time. Any way I moved normally from white to orange, yellow, camo, green, purple, blue, brown, red and red black recommend. No big deal. For me, my husband tore his ACL shortly before testing for red and red-black but that cannot be my excuse. Well I decided not to test on my first chance, was it a mistake? I don’t know, I didn’t know what the next 6 to 12 months lay ahead. I just wanted a little more than two months to prepare, so I made the choice.
However, summer came along, things got busy with the kids, and finances got back at work. In other words, life got in the way. I had a son with a broken leg- who still tested, a husband limping around refusing to admit he did anything to his knee, and only after someone else made him an appointment did he finally see a surgeon. Was told that he not only needed surgery, it should be sooner than later, so he chose about 3 months from then. (Doctors are terrible patients, though in his defense schedules are made 3 months in advance, so there is that) Ok, so with balancing life, I got busy. Missed testing opportunity number 2. And most of the six months between opportunity one and two.
So January comes, hubby has surgery. So I have to take care of him, his patients, my patients, hospital, kids, … for about 2 weeks. Then I am back to normal, my patients and kids. Maybe valid excuses, but excuses, none the less. And then there is an explosion on the business end. (Not an actual explosion, but one of patients due to physician leaving town.) So my thoughts of maybe this testing turn to …well, maybe not, maybe next time, I am just not ready yet. May comes and goes.
Now we are 6 months later. Life is still going. Life will continue to go. Work is good, though turned over an entire office, gave my first lecture at a national convention, two kids science fair projects, wiped the tears of my oldest when he missed breaking the board at the last test. And up until last weekend, I was still on maybe and I will try. However, Sunday night I realized that I have to test. Time will continue to pass, and there will always be excuses. And how can I expect my kids to put forth the effort and try, if I don’t get back in the game. And my oldest told me he believes in me and that it is only important that I do my best.
So today, I will go and give it my all. Because if I don’t test, I am more afraid that I never will. And that is what life is about testing oneself, improving oneself. I just have to have faith that I know it, and give it all that I have got. Wish me luck