Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
I stopped blogging a while back, not because I had nothing to say, but because I was in the middle of something, that I couldn’t say. Feelings and thoughts that might have gotten me fired, or even worse committed. Well probably not committed, but maybe on some days
I have since left that job, 9 months ago. And then moved across the state to start a new job 6 weeks later. And while I cannot still bring myself to discuss the horrors in a written state of my previous employer, I can say that they were the reason for most of my problems.
So now I am free of that, I move forward with a new job and a new outlook on life, and I might just be able to start blogging again
So for the first time since medical school, I am unemployed. Well temporarily, I am between jobs for the next 6 weeks. It is a bit odd. And so far, I have been to a cardiologist with my husband and today, I was back at my old clinic, briefly, but even still.
I took 2 walks today. I hate to clean and since we have a moving company moving us to our next house, I don’t really care to pack, when I am paying someone to pack for me.
And yet, I don’t miss it yet. So wednesday last week was my last day, so I haven’t been out of work even a week yet. I just don’t know what to do with myself.
After almost 3 years of being told that I wasn’t seeing enough patients to be worth equipment that was standard of care. I wasn’t seeing enough patients to warrant a scribe even temporily following surgery on my right elbow. Did I mention that I was right handed, and less than 6 months later, others seeing fewer patients were given scribes.
And it was during that three years, I realized that corporate medicine is detrimental to patient care and physicians both. Corporate did not realize that while I didn’t do the expensive procedures that were great for their bottom line, I was the one referring them. The response of “You’re just family medicine,” became so frequent and demeaning, I started to accept that I was less than I really am. The administrators who make larger salaries, for what, I don’t know. When you try to tell those in charge how things have to be done, and when you are ignored only for them to realize later that they should have done it your way.
It is difficult to complain as I realize that others have it worse, and even though I was severely underpaid, others had it worse than I did. And so now I am venting. I don’t know what all I should say, and so I can’t say more at this time. Maybe later.
It’s easier as a doctor to ignore your own symptoms then to look for a reason why. That’s why I spent a year having terrible pain in my hand before seeking help. Then spent another year treating it medically with a neurologist before getting a second opinion from another surgeon who has scheduled surgery to relieve the pain.
It’s why I took 8 months to get the 6 month follow up on a mammogram. And when the hubby asked how it was, I told him the lesion was smaller than before. His response was “they were watching something? You didn’t tell me that.” I just didn’t think that a probably benign lesion was worth thinking about in my days.
It’s why I worked until I almost collapses a month ago with pneumonia before getting an x-ray and being forced to take a week off.
Though yesterday wasn’t necessarily denying my symptoms, it was just thinking it was asthma until the chest tightened further. And the hubby got scared. After last month’s bought with pneumonia, I didn’t fight the trip to the ER. Though I would say the pain scale on my chest seemed odd, since the hand pain stays at a higher level than the pressure ever got in my chest. But they let me go home.
However, my husband is making me rest today. I don’t think that he trusts me to not go full force. I have no doubt that rest is needed. A good night sleep is a rare thing for me. I really wish nursing homes had patients who are fall risks to sleep on mattresses on the floor. Apparently Medicare states that they have a right to fall, not to get injured but a right to fall. So anyway, until I heal, I guess I am stuck resting.